Friday, January 27, 2006

Just how big is "mignon"?

J: I'd like the filet mignon. Medium rare.
Waiter Jason: And what size steak would you like?
J: Oh, I'd like 7 inches.
J: I meant - uh - 7 ounces.
Waiter Jason: Would you like salad, baked potato, or fries with that?
F: *snicker*
J: He kept a straight face! That deserves an extra tip. Or two. Maybe a tri-tip.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Tubby Hubby

F: I seem to be carrying a few more meals around my middle.
J:'s not all that impressive a beer gut.
F: Well, I don't really drink a lot of beer.
J: Fine, red wine gut then. Or maybe it's from drinking all that port. That's it: you've gotten "portly"!

Pot-Tea Mouths

B: I've got a riddle for you. A man is leaning over a stove to change a lightbulb, and his watch falls off and falls in a teapot. When he reaches in to get it, the watch is dry. Explain.
F: it Chinese tea?
B: Uh, yeah.
F: Well, then, the watch was dry because all the water had boiled away from being in the pot-'oolong.
J: Oh, come on. That's not right. The water couldn't have evaporated. Don't you know that a watch'd pot never boils?

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Playing Taboo

J: It's Popeye's wife.
B: Mrs. Sanders!
J: Whaaat?!
B: Forget it. Give me another clue.
J: It' liquid squeezed from a...uh...Greek vegetable.
B: Grape juice. Wine.
J: That's a fruit. I'm looking for a vegetable.
B: Lettuce!
J: Liquid?
J: Lettuce juice!
B: "Lettuce juice"?
B: Cabbage?
J: Noooooo! Auuugh!

S: Time's Up!

B: So what was it?
J: Olive oil.
B: Oh.
J: Dude, how'd you come up with "Mrs. Sanders"?
B: You know. Popeye's. KFC. Colonel Sanders. Mrs. Sanders.
J: Oh.