Sunday, July 30, 2006

Overheard at SFO

Girl Waiting for her Flight: ...and I really can't wait to get to Hawaii! Our whole family is going on vacation together!
Man Waiting for his Flight: How many of you are there?
Girl Waiting for her Flight: There's Mom and Dad. And Grandma and Grandpa. And my other Grandma. My dad's dad is dead; he can't come with us.
Girl Waiting for her Flight: Well, actually, I guess he is sort of going to be there. He's always with us in our hearts.

(That noise you hear is the sound of heart breaking just a little.)

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Got Sushi?

J: Want to go out for dinner?
F: Sure, but I need to change first. I mumblemumblemumble.
J: Did you just say something about fish?
F: What are you talking about?
J: I could have sworn I just heard "a can of fish oil got in my uniform".
F: That's not quite what I said.
J: So, you didn't get fish oil on your uniform?
F: I said "I can't officially go out in my uniform".
J: Oh.

J: I liked my version better. It was more musical. Had a nice tuna.
F: I can't even salmon up the energy to respond to that.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

And I Used to Think I Was Honest

Woman in Line: I was wondering: the soda over there is priced at $9.00 for four boxes. Does this mean that two would cost $4.50?
Cashier at Navy Exchange: I'm not sure. I could ring one up if you like.
WiL: Would you? Thanks. I'd appreciate that. (to daughter) Honey, could you get me one of those boxes?
Girl in Line: You bet.
WiL: You know, I don't mean to be a bother. But yesterday, I'd put two boxes of Coke at the bottom of my cart. And then, I forgot to put them on the counter when I checked out. I got to the car and thought "I didn't pay for these" and - oh, there you are.
GiL: They didn't have Coke, so I got Fanta.
WiL: Here, could you let me know what it costs? If it comes out to more than $4.50, I can just buy the four boxes. (glances at price) That's perfect! Now, if you could ring up two of these, I'll leave them here. That way I will have paid for the ones from yesterday. Does that make sense?
CatNEX: Yes, I got it.
WiL: Oh, thank you! I feel much better now. I was so upset with myself when I realized I had walked off without paying. I would have turned around right then, but I was in a hurry to get somewhere. So, I'm here now.
J: Well, I'm impressed. Not everyone would have come back.
WiL: I just thought to myself "What is the price of your integrity? Five dollars?" I hope it would be worth more than that. Besides, how could I face my children knowing that I had ripped off the NEX?
J: I guess if it was really bothering you...
WiL: Oh, it WAS. I could hardly sleep last night.
Well, thank you, and have a nice day!
CatNEX: So, there are still honest people in the world.
J: Yeah. Kinda restores your faith in mankind, doesn't it?

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Bloody Son-Day

F: Speaking of horrible parenting, did you know that Ivan the Terrible killed his son?
B: Yeah! I remember hearing about that!
J: Intentionally? How?
F: Well, as I remember...apparently, the son did something to make his father angry, so Ivan the Terrible clubbed him on the head. Maybe it was with a sceptor or something. But anyways, he hit harder than he'd intended and killed him.
B: That's terrible.
F: Well, he didn't mean to do it.
J: Ordinarily he would never harm a heir on his head.
F: That's how it goes. Heir today, gone tomorrow.
J: *groan*
F: It was a heir-raising experience.
J: Except not.